2021. We gon' have some fun.

Fun fact: Frequently, my blog titles are somehow a reference to a song. Depending on your musical preferences, this one might be pretty easy. But bonus points if you’re able to guess some of the others (including in the future). Now onto the post.

Happy New Year, friends! Though I’m not naïve enough to think that we leave behind our troubles in the past, I do always appreciate a new year and the opportunity it brings to move forward with fresh eyes and spirits. As per usual, I struggled with what to write about this week. There are so many things I could discuss based on recent events but I think those that need to be heard are already speaking so it feels less pressing to dilute their voices by adding my own to the mix. 

Instead, I’m going to stick with the theme of the new year and share with you all some goals that I’ve set for myself. I’m not a resolution gal because that feels to all or nothing for me, but I am very goal-oriented. I like to set them, work towards them, but also attempt to give myself grace for when plans don’t work out. However, I must also mention that the reason why goals make more sense to me than resolutions is because they signify progress over time. So often people try to instantly change their lifestyle, but all that amounts to is burnout and disappointment. I prefer to take a different approach – slow and steady wins the race. 

I also like to design a theme board each year for myself that sets the tone for what I want to prioritize and focus on in the months to come. I don’t consider it a vision board because I typically don’t align with the ideology of vision boards, but it is a way for me to clearly lay out what’s important to me and help visualize my goals moving forward. I’ve included a picture of this year’s version above. 

Some very cool experiences have come from both of these practices in the past because they’ve allowed me to reflect on where I want to spend my energy. If you’ve never set aside that time to process and reflect, then I’d encourage you to. You might be surprised by where it leads you.

When I sat down to write my goals this year, I was feeling weary and discouraged. It took me a few more days to complete than it ordinarily does because of this. With the illusion of certainty that has been stripped away from our consciousness recently,  I wanted to dial my focus back and choose themes that were more practical or personal and not dependent on uncontrollable environmental factors. Though I came up with about 50 goals total (don’t worry, many are small and very manageable), I’ll spare your time and only share my top eight with you today. They aren’t listed in any particular order FYI. As always, please don’t hesitate to reach out if you want to connect more on this topic or need a thought partner to process through your own goals. With that, let’s dive into it. 

1. I want to remember where my identity lies.

This is something I’ve had to do some real work on over the past few months. I hold myself to a standard of perfection, particularly when I’m in my least healthy places. Because of that, I often mistakenly find my identity in the things that I do or the things that I’ve achieved. The truth is that my honest identity lies only in my relationship with Jesus and the fact that He loves me exactly as I am in the moment that I’m in. The freedom that comes from that has been uncomfortable for me to accept (it’s still very much a work in progress), but a total relief when I can recognize its eternal truth. All I have to do is be me and I’m loved for it. My goal is to remember that this year and continue to make strides toward accepting that in my life. 

2. I want to learn how to change a tire. 

This is both extremely practical and very important. As a young woman, it matters to me that I prepare myself to not be taken advantage of by men. The deeply unfortunate reality of the world we live in is that even small requests for help can lead to exploitation. I hope it won’t be true for future generations, but for now, this is what we’re working with. Fortunately, I’ve never been in an emergency situation where I needed to change a tire. But because of this, I’ve never learned how to do it. So, this year is my time! Not only do I want to learn how to do this, but I also want to learn more about cars in general so that I can arm myself with the necessary knowledge to confidently take care of what’s been given to me.

3. I want to become financially independent. 

True adulthood. It’s been a long journey to get here. I was consistently employed for all six years of my college career. That money was used to finance most of my activities, personal items, and school-related expenses. During that period and as I’ve navigated this strange transition time since my parents have also been fundamental in keeping me afloat. I’ve been so privileged to be able to live with my wonderful family beyond what is “normal” for others. But it’s worked incredibly well for us. By nature of this, they have essentially paid for my room and board for the past 6+ years in addition to helping with medical expenses and other odds and ends. This support has allowed me to get to where I am academically, advance my career potential, and also just have fun and be young. I am more grateful to them than I can ever express. However, this year is the time for me to move forward and take on those responsibilities independently and I’m looking forward to it. Though, I’ll need all of the support that I can get in being financially wise because the women in my family have a curse in that we all have extremely expensive taste. I’ve learned this the hard way.

4. I want movement to be a part of my lifestyle and not feel like an obligation.

I strongly dislike feeling obligated to do anything. It’s why I’m a terrible texter. I don’t want to feel like I have to respond to you immediately, so I detach myself from my phone and set a precedent for being inconsistent with when I respond. When something becomes a task for me instead of something that I desire to do, I resent it. I’ve noticed this with exercise and fitness over the past couple of years. Instead of moving because I want to, I so frequently move because I feel like I have to. This has made it difficult for me to have a healthy relationship with exercise. It fascinates me how people assume there’s only one way to be healthy – one diet, one kind of workout, one supplement brand, etc. Most of these perceptions are set by arbitrary societal expectations, but I want to ditch those this year and start listening to what feels good for my body in each moment. I want to move frequently because it’s enjoyable and good for my body, not because it will make me look a certain way or impress others. Maybe that includes doing a HIIT workout, but likely it won’t. I’m learning to accept that there are so many fitness styles that I prefer. I sometimes feel guilty or inadequate that my fitness preferences don’t align with those that are more mainstream. But then I remind myself that everyone’s body is different. I also remember that studies have shown that the healthiest communities aren’t those that set aside time to “work out” per se, but rather those that move consistently and challenge themselves physically throughout the day. I want to be more thoughtful with how I move my body. I want to push myself when it feels appropriate. And I want to rest when I’m tired. I want exercise to be an extension of what I enjoy and not a box to check.

5. I don’t want to make things work that aren’t work. 

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve been taking a year-long online course focused on personal growth and one of the things that was mentioned recently was not making things work that aren’t work. I can make pretty much make anything feel like work. Taking a shower for me can become a herculean task. Tidying my room feels like a feat to accomplish. Going on a walk becomes a slog to the finish line. Little things become big in my mind because of how I frame them. My goal is to try and re-frame some of the activities in my life so that they don’t carry more weight than they need to. For example, I’ll reframe going on a walk. It’s an opportunity for me to get outside and breathe fresh air and feel grateful that I have legs to propel me forward. It’s a moment of peace and quiet in my day and an opportunity to re-center. Why do I instead choose to make that a chore so often? I don’t know, but I do know that I want to do it differently. I want to focus my energy on where it should be focused instead of hyperinflating the effort required to move through my day.

6. I want to find a job that I’m passionate about. 

This one is simple but so important. I am fueled by my work and knowing that I am contributing to something meaningful and positive for others. Because I know that so much of my purpose, motivation, and joy comes from my professional contributions, I want to go after something that will be truly satisfying in the long-term. Though I’m not opposed to being practical and pursuing something temporary for financial purposes, I believe that if you’re privileged enough to reach for what you really love, then why not go for it? So that’s the plan. I’m willing to take some risks this year because I believe in the reward that can come from it.

7. I want to listen more than I speak. 

I’ve had this one on my mind for quite some time, but now I want to more intentionally pursue it. We live in a culture of talking. We all need our voices to be heard. We have endless opinions. We believe that our perspectives matter more than others. I’m saying “we” because if I’m honest then I know I’m totally this person too. I’m tired of listening to my own voice though and feeling so impatient to speak in conversations that I completely miss what the other person is saying. I want to listen. I want to really hear what others have to offer. I want to learn about their perspectives. I want to make connections instead of re-establishing my own positions and isolating others in the process. I want to ask questions and be curious. I’m stubborn, opinionated, tend to view things as black-and-white, and like to talk. So, this is going to be very difficult. But I’m confident that it’s worth it. 

8. I want to be kinder to myself. 

And now for the most challenging and most significant goal. Being kind to myself. As I mentioned previously, I hold myself to a standard of perfection. Not just perfection when completing tasks – I can frequently recognize when something is “good enough” – but primarily in being a perfect human. Someone with enviable self-control. Someone who’s consistently productive but also able to drop everything to be there for a friend. Someone who’s tidy and put together. Someone who’s impressively active. Someone who’s able to beautifully balance all of the demands on her life.  Someone who doesn’t exist. I fail every day at these standards that I set for myself. And when I fail, my inner critic rages. It illuminates where I haven’t measured up to my expectations. It makes me feel insecure and inadequate. It catches me up in a constant mental and emotional cycle of heaping loads of pressure onto myself and then feeling guilty when inevitably I don’t execute perfectly. I’m imprisoned by the unreasonableness of my own expectations, but I crave freedom. The path forward is through accepting God’s grace and also giving myself that same grace. I will never be perfect. I’m going to say that again for my own benefit: I will never be perfect. I need to remember that joy and peace and contentment don’t come from perfection. They come from embracing the mess. As I move forward with this goal, I want to catch myself in the act of self-degradation and instead speak the same truth into myself that I would speak into others in the same boat. I’ll let you know how it goes. 

I hope this snippet of my goals inspired you or encouraged you or made you feel less alone. I want to acknowledge that this is my process for reflection and personal development, but it may not be yours and that’s okay. As I make progress towards these goals, my intention is not to label them as complete by the end of the year (unless they are more task-oriented). My intention is simply to be able to say that I’ve moved in the right direction. We’re coming off of a tough year, so just like my goal is to be kinder to myself, my hope is that all of you will start this year by being kind to yourselves too.

It was nice chatting with you. I’ll talk to you again next week.